Was Biggs Right?

"It just isn't fair! Oh, Biggs is right, I'm never gonna get out of here!"

These words were spoken by a young farm boy named Luke, a long time ago in a galaxy far far away.  Luke's uncle had just revealed to him that he needed him to stay home another year to help with the harvest. Over the past few years Luke had seen most of his friends leave, including his best friend Biggs, who left to enroll in the Imperial Academy. Joining the Academy was Luke's dream. He felt alone and useless staying behind while his childhood friends moved on with their lives. 

I can totally understand Luke's frustration. I graduated from college a year ago and I had high hopes of getting a decent job and moving away from home. The summer before I graduated I had an internship in Washington, D.C., where I learned a lot and made lots of connections with people. I thought for sure, especially with those connections,  that I would have no trouble finding a job. It wasn't something that I was worried about. God's got it all planned out for me, right? Of course I'll have a job after I graduate. That's what everyone does. That's what is best for me. That's how I start the next chapter of my life. Surely God wants what's best for me! 

Well, here I am, a year later, still living at home, still working part time for a television company, and still looking for a real job. The Lord has been gracious enough to give me parents who allow me to still live with them. He also provided me with a part time job filming high school sports once a week. It is no where near the field I went to school for, nor is it the type of job I am looking for. But, it pays decent money, more than I would make working minimum wage at a restaurant. 

When I first graduated and started looking for a job, I was looking for something away from home. Not because I hate it here, I just want to see different places and start this new chapter of my life somewhere different. But after a year of searching and wanting to leave this town, I have grown accustom to the idea of staying local and getting a job near here. Even though some of my friends have moved away, I have built a solid group of friends here that I love and care about. People who have a passion for the Lord and growing His church. I help these friends lead bible studies throughout the week, we hang a lot, and just have great fellowship together. I've seen friends get engaged, married, and even have babies. It's awesome seeing God work among my friends. This has been my main reason for wanting to stay local, the established relationships and church family.

Recently I found out that my good friend, his wife, and newborn are having to move away in a few weeks for his job. Another good friend is moving away to go to seminary. Like the farm boy from George Lucas' space epic, Star Wars, I can relate to his loneliness and despair from seeing his friends leave.

Amazingly, not once in my search for a job have I ever been without hope. Ive been irritated and inpatient, sure, but never without hope. The main thing that keeps my spirits high is the fact of knowing that God has a plan for me. He's brought me this far, and I know from scripture that He will finish the good work that He started in me and bring it to competition (Philippians 1:6). It is this blessed hope and assurance that keeps me strong and optimistic. Sure, there are days that the enemy attacks me and makes me feel like I'm useless and worthless and that I will never find a job, but the Voice of Truth tells me a different story. The Voice of Truth says "do not be afraid", the Voice of Truth says "this is for my glory". Out of all the voices calling out to me,  I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth.  This Voice of Truth is the same voice that spoke to me through the darkest times of my past, telling me to trust in Him and He would deliver me. He never failed me then, and He will never fail me now. He is the one constant in my life that never changes. Even though I may not know why He has me waiting so long, I still have confidence that He is working everything together for my good (Romans 8:28).

"And it may feel like 40 long days in a hard driving rain, or 40 years in a dry desert sand. But when He’s finished we will see a beautiful tapestry and know that nothing has been wasted in the end." -Steven Curtis Chapman

"I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the obstacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward. Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation." - Blind Seer (O Brother, Where Art Thou?) 

Here is a list of verses that remind me of God's promises to us:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." -Matthew 11:28-30 

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for The Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave or forsake you." -Deuteronomy 31:6

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." -Psalm 23:4

"The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit" -Psalm 34:18

"God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" -Hebrews 13:5

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

For those of you who have followed my blog for a while, you know that my life has been riddled with trials and valleys of darkness. Ive suffered through 2 very traumatic experiences, they were the darkest times of my life. The first one I rarely talk about because my mind has blocked out a lot of it, but the second one I have been quite open about both on here and in person. There is something that I learned from those experiences that changed the way I went through them. And if I did not know this thing, I would not be here now. The thing that I knew and that kept me going even when I wanted t end it all, was four simple words: 

I knew, because of my faith in Jesus Christ, that I was never alone. I knew that even in my deepest and darkest of hours of pain and depression, that God was there with me. In both those dark experiences, I felt hopeless and lost and abandoned by those that I loved most. Except for the fact that I knew that God was with me. Yes, most of us all hear growing up that "God is with us" an that "Jesus loves you" and that "He will comfort you". I had heard all of that and I believed it, but I had never experienced it first hand. Until these two experiences. Those were times where I saw no way out, nothing but pain on all sides. I was in a deep dark hole all alone. But it wasn't until I looked up and saw the light, that I realized that all those sayings about God that I heard growing up were 100% true. And in those times, they became very real for me.

We always hear about "submitting to the Lord" or "humbling ourselves before the Lord", and those are actions in the life of a Christian that are often very hard to do, especially in this day and age. We find ourselves so preoccupied with school, jobs, family, friends, money, relationships, ect... that we forget to focus. And many times it takes us losing all of those things to realize that we need to set our sights on what can truly bring us life. For me, and for many of you, it has taken just that. We lose all and have nowhere to turn but to God, and in that time, we fall at the foot of the cross and bring all our troubles and worries to the one who loves us unconditionally. 

Jesus tells us in Matthew 11:28-30 - "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Now, I didn't completely understand this verse until last summer. I was working as a counselor at a Christian camp and my good friend Daniel was preaching and explained what the word "yoke" meant. My whole life I read this verse and others with the word in it and assumed that it meant egg yoke (yes, I am an idiot). But I learned that a yoke was a wooden crosspiece that is fastened over the necks of two animals and attached to the plow or cart that they are to pull. So essentially what Jesus is saying is that the load that we carry is full and heavy and troublesome, but he is offering to take that from us and give us His yoke, which is light and easy too carry. 

There are two reasons that I have found that we are not alone. 

Reason 1

No matter what you are going through, no matter what emotions you feel, you are never alone, God is always with you! 

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for The Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave or forsake you." -Deuteronomy 31:6

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." -Psalm 23:4

"The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit" -Psalm 34:18

"God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" -Hebrews 13:5

Reason 2

No matter what you are going through, no matter what emotions you feel, no matter who has wronged you or deserted you, even if you feel like your world is empty and you are worthless you are never alone, more than likely there is someone who cares for you. Someone whose world would crash if it weren't for you, someone that you make feel like they are not worthless. More than likely you have no idea of this person or how they feel. To them, you might mean the world to them. You might give them strength and hope. 
This could either be a romantic sense or just friendship. But no matter how alone you feel, the odds are that someone needs you and cares for you and wants to be there for you.

"The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray" -Proverbs 12:26

"A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need" -Proverbs 17:17

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." -Proverbs 18:24

"The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense" -Proverbs 27:9

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" -Proverbs 27:17

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up the fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up" -Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

"Is any pleasure on earth as great as a circle of Christian friends by a good fire?" -C.S. Lewis

So, if you are reading this and you feel alone, unloved, abandoned, or hopeless, remember these 2 reasons why 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

You Remain....

I’d be lying
If I said I wasn’t tired of trying
And now I am down to my last excuse So here I am waiting for You

I take the wheel
And everything starts falling apart I start to wander off the road
That leads to Your heart
Still there You are

In the broken when I’m losing my way 
When I’m lost in all the doubt and the shame
 You remain, You remain

Sweet surrender
To know that I am Yours forever 
And that You will never
Leave me alone
You’ll come running
Then I turn to home


I take the wheel
And everything starts falling apart I start to wander off the road
That leads to Your heart
Still there You are

In the broken when I’m losing my way
When I’m lost in all the doubt and the shame 
You remain, You remain
Though the time keeps on ticking away
When the fire is gone and hope is starting to fade 
You remain, You remain
God, You remain

I’ve tried to do this now for so long on my own 
You’d think I’d figure this whole thing out somehow 
But just when I think I can’t fall faster or further away 
I turn around and there You are


In the broken when I’m losing my way
When I’m lost in all the doubt and the shame 
You remain, You remain
Though the time keeps on ticking away
When the fire is gone and hope is starting to fade 
You remain, You remain
God, You remain


lyrics by Tim Timmons

I'm Not Who I Was....

I was riding in my car today when this song by Brandon Heath came on KLOVE. As I listened to this slow melody, I began to realize that this song almost describes how I feel since the past year. Since my breakup I have had a rollercoaster of a ride, but the Lord was with me every step of the way. Ive had my ups and downs and times of darkness and of light. But I have grown stronger in my faith and have grown closer to the Lord. But as Job said, "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away" and that he did, but he has given again. He has given me new purpose and new passion. Ive changed my direction in life. Ive changed my major, my goals, and my passions. Although I remain single, I am not alone. The Lord is and has been with me every step of the way. Through the fiery furnace and in the promise land, he has been there. I have learned not only to praise him in the good times, but to also praise him in the bad times as well. I may not know at times why I am going through certain things, but in the midst of them I have learned to rely on and trust in Him to bring about His will in the situation. I know that all things work together for the good of those who love Him.

As I was saying, I have changed. I have been through the fire and have been refined and sharpened and have come out as a new and changed man. And for that, I am forever grateful!


I wish you could see me now 
I wish I could show you how 
I'm not who I was 
I used to be mad at you 
A little on the hurt side too 
But I'm not who I was 

I found my way around 
To forgiving you 
Some time ago 
But I never got to tell you so 

I found us in a photograph 
I saw me and I had to laugh 
You know, I'm not who I was 
You were there, you were right above me 
And I wonder if you ever loved me 
Just for who I was 

When the pain came back again 
Like a bitter friend 
It was all that I could do 
To keep myself from blaming you 

I reckon it's a funny thing 
I figured out I can sing 
Now I'm not who I was 
I write about love and such 
Maybe 'cause I want it so much 
I'm not who I was 

I was thinking maybe I 
I should let you know 
I am not the same 
But I never did forget your name 
Hello 

Well the thing I find most amazing 
In amazing grace 
Is the chance to give it out 
Maybe that's what love is all about 

I wish you could see me now 
I wish I could show you how 
I'm not who I was