Relationships: The Difference Between Children and Men

Last night I had a long talk with one of my close friends about the roles in relationships. She was preparing to give a talk to the girls in her church's youth group about sexually purity this week.

The discussion really got me thinking back to my friends who have not been sexually pure. I have seen the brokenness and lasting pain and regret of their mistakes. It hurts my heart to see people that I care about go through that type of pain. That pain is one of the worst types one can go through. It has lasting physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual affects.

Pastor Andy Stanley says:

"Culture convinces us – and sometimes we convince ourselves – that sex is only physical. But if that is true, why is the pain of sexual sin so deep? Because sex is not just physical. It was designed by God to be so much more.Its not just physical. If you treat sex as if its just physical you hurt yourself, and if you get married, you hurt your partner. 

Regardless of your religious beliefs, this is what brings it home. Your sexuality is connected with your personality and your spirituality.

Here are some uncomfortable questions that prove this, and the answers are the same – Sex isn’t just physical. Why is it that when a child is sexually abused it so difficult to shake that off? Why does it follow them around their entire life? Why can’t they just get over it? It’s not because they were betrayed. Kids are betrayed all the time by adults. It’s because sex isn’t just physical – it is life altering.

Why is rape so much more devastating than being beat up? If sex is just physical, then rape is just like being beat up. You report it, and move on. But its not just physical – it’s life altering"  

1 Corinthians 6:18 says "Flee from sexual immorality".
What is intimacy? Intimacy is to know and be fully known.  All other sins people commit are outside their bodies but those who sin sexually sin against their own bodies.
Paul is telling us: When you sin sexually you hurt yourself. Not only do you hurt yourself, but at the deepest level imaginable. It will carry with you throughout your entire life. Sexuality is so powerful if you break the rules it has the same power to turn your life upside down.  

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 tells us to “Abstain from sexual immorality, so that each of you knows how to control his own body in sanctification and honor, not with lustful desires, like the Gentiles who don’t know God”
  

1 Corinthians 6:16 says "Do you know know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said for the two will become one flesh."Sex is not just a matter of personal preference. Sex is a matter of divine design.  

Romance in marriage is fueled by a sense of exclusivity. Exclusivity says I’ve been praying for you and waiting for you as long as i’ve lived. I’m able to give ALL of me to ALL of you. You will have a more romantic and passionate marriage if you have been exclusive before marriage. You won’t worry about what your husband or wife is doing when you aren’t with them because you know their past stays with them. "

As he stated, Sex is designed specifically by God to unite two people spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. God created it to make you as one flesh. You are only meant to be with one person. That is why people experience so much pain after a break up with someone they have had sex with. Everyone has heard the phrase "I feel like a part of me is missing!" Well, people feel that way because they united as one and then separated what God designed to never be separated.

Its just like any type of machine or technology that you buy. It is designed to be used a specific way.  It messes up when you don't use it the way it was designed to be used.

The issue of sexual impurity falls on the guy's shoulders. Yes, I know that it takes two to tango, there are two parties involved. But biblically, the guys are supposed to be the protectors and guardians of the women. Andy states, "Men you still continue to set the pace for relationships. You are still in charge in that respect. Consequently you are more responsible."

Ed Stetzer in an article in Christianity Today says the following:

“In 1 Timothy the Apostle Paul encourages his protégé to relate to the believers in local churches in a familial way. The wording is specific for the church, of course, but it applies to how we view others. Paul says, treat “older women as mothers, and with all propriety, the younger women as sisters” (1 Timothy 5:1-2)"

I love that verse. The way I see it is that you are protective of your sister, always wanting what is best for her. If someone had sex with your sister out of wedlock, that would make you furious. But why would you feel that way? Because she is your sister, she is family, it is understood that you look out for and protect your family, especially the women of the family. What Paul is telling Timothy is that we should view all believers of the opposite sex as such (and even unbelievers in order to set a good example). Ask yourself this question: If some guy was doing the same sexual acts that you do with your girlfriend, to your sister, how would you feel? You should feel the same way about you doing them with your girlfriend! Of course when you get married that is completely different.

Men are called to be leaders, protectors, and providers.

We as Christian men are called to be leaders, protectors, and providers. It is often said that "men use love to get sex, and women use sex to get love". This is very true. Generally, in a non-Christian worldly sense, the main thing men want in a relationship is sex and the main thing women want is to be loved. Men will claim that they love a woman in order to get sex, and women will agree to having sex with a man thinking that that means that he loves her. Its a sad but true thing in our society. But as Christians, we have the power to say no to those lustful desire, and we are called to be so much more than what the men of the world are. By engaging in sexually immoral acts with your girlfriend, you are not acting as any of those things. The only leading you are doing is leading her into sin. You are certainly not protecting her in any form because you are violating her at her deepest level. And you certainly aren't providing anything for her other than the consequences of sin.

If you are a believer and are dating a girl, you should show her respect and love by being a leader, a protector, and a provider.

Lead

You lead her spiritually. Pray with her, read scripture with her, help her figure out things that she is struggling with in her walk with the Lord, take her to church and Bible studies with you, etc... Encourage her in all of those things.

Protect

Protect her in all ways possible.

If she is in physical danger put yourself between her and the danger, sacrificing yourself for her. If she is going through an emotional time, find out what is bothering her and do your best to put an end to it, and if it isn't something you can put an end to, comfort her and be there for her.

Protect her sexually. This means, following scripture and not engaging in any type of sexual actions. If you know you might get too carried away in some way, stay away from doing that. (If you know that making out can easily lead you to more serious things like touching and groping or even sexual intercourse, then don't make out). In order to protect both yourself and her, don't even put yourselves in situations where you might even be tempted in the slightest bit. Also, if she doesn't feel comfortable doing certain things physically with you, then accept that and respect that, don't pressure or coerce her into doing something she doesn't want to do.

Protect her Spiritually. If there is false teaching around her, remove her from that and lovingly show her the biblical truth. (This might be a touchy area for coupes from differing churches or denominations. Make sure to do it in love and grace. I suggest praying about it before acting on this one.)

Provide

Provide for her. The providing part has a much bigger role in marriage and in raising a family, but there are still ways you can provide for her while dating. You can provide compliments to her, give her gifts, help her with things, support her in her hobbies and activities, etc... All of these things should be done with her best interest in mind and should be with pure and loving intentions.

If you treat her badly, have sex with her, coerce her into doing things she doesn't want to do, allow danger to come to her, neglect to be the spiritual leader, or lead her into sin, you are not showing any form of love or respect for her. I would even go as far as suggesting that you do not love or respect her (strong opinion, I know).

Andy says, 

"In our society and culture, women are viewed, presented, talked about and sung about like a commodity. A commodity is something you use and trade up. The message we get in our society about women is "take me, use me, do what you want to with me, and then discard me."

I am a man, I see this pattern. Most of the time we don't know or realize that we are doing that or have that view, but sadly, it is true. Many songs and movies present women as objects of pleasure that are to be used to satisfy our lust and show our manliness and then thrown to the side and forgotten. Let me be frank, there is nothing mainly about having sex outside of marriage or having multiple sexual partners. It is childish.

Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 13:11 "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of “childhood” behind me".

Our society is lacking in real men. I urge you brothers, to put away your childish ways and grow up and be a man. A biblical man. A man that leads, protects, and provides.

One of my favorite TV shows is Psych. In that show, the main character and his dad have a saying about how to treat women. "Treat a woman like a person, then a princess, then a Greek goddess, then a person again". I apply this to how I treat women, I urge you to take up this motto as well. 

And Girls, if you are reading this:  if a guy has sex with you before marriage, he isn't a real man. He is a child who has no self control and no respect for you. Real men have self control, they respect you, protect you, guard your heart and your purity. Don't date children, date real men.

Sources

Andy Stanley. The New Rules For Love Sex & Dating

http://northpoint.org/messages/the-new-rules-for-love-sex-and-dating

Ed Stetzer.  Act Like Men, Part 3: Men Treat Women with Respect

http://www.christianitytoday.com/edstetzer/2014/october/act-like-men-treat-women-with-respect.html

Women Against Women Against New-Wave Feminism?

http://totalsororitymove.com/tsm-responds-to-women-against-feminism/

Many of you have probably seen this making rounds on Facebook and Twitter. It's an article attacking girls who are a opposed to the "new-wave" sex-fanatic Feminism. 

I agree that true feminism is about equality, but this author has it all wrong. What these girls are protesting against is the modern "new wave" feminism that is taking over academia. I have friends who have encountered these on their campuses. Women who host masturbation workshops, sex workshops, sell sex toys on campus, post child porn around campuses, bring porn stars to speak at campuses, who believe that motherhood is equal to being a slave, that women should be allowed to kill their children if they are a burden to them, and much more.  

My friend recently was honored by my university to attend a national women's conference in DC and she said that most of what was discussed was this crazy disgusting branch of so-called feminism.  These groups of these people claim you can't be a feminist of you don't support those things. 

THAT is what these girls are referring to. 

This is my friend's blog telling what was being taught as "feminism" on the national academic level. As you can see, none of the true attributes about feminism were talked about. This is the very thing that these girls were talking about 

http://college.studentsforlife.org/2014/06/24/put-900-pro-life-feminists-in-a-room/

I recently went to a Feminists For Life seminar of a group of women who stay true to the true meaning of feminism: Non-Violence, non discrimination, and equality for all human beings. That's what the original and real feminist foremothers like Susan B Anthony, Phyllis Schlafly, Dr Elizabeth Blackwell, Dr Charlotte Lozier, Elizabeth Stanton, Alice Paul, and many others all believed and fought for.

I believe whole heartedly in these true aspects of feminism that these amazing women believed in and fought for. Not what is being taught as feminism now adays 

What did Jesus say about Homosexuality?

Christians often get attacked because they believe that having sex with someone of the same sex is a sin. Which the Bible clearly says is a sin, just like it says that sex outside of marriage or having more than one sexual partner is a sin. 

Sin is all the same in the sense that one sin separates us from God, and that Jesus paid for all sin. He paid it all on the cross. We are all sinners, and he loved us so much that he paid for our sins so that we may spend eternity with him in heaven. He said that whoever simply believes in him, has everlasting life with him in heaven. 

Now, Ive heard many non-christians and christians say that "Jesus never said anything about homosexuality", well, that is a common misconception. 

In Mark 7:21 Jesus said this:

"For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders..."

The New Testament was written in Greek, the common language of the time written. The Greek is much more specific in the meanings than english is, allowing for a narrowed down specific/exact meaning. In this verse, Christ uses the word "fornication", which is the Original Greek word: πορνεία. The Transliteration of this word is Porneia.(Where we get the word pornography). The definition of that word is:  illicit sexual intercourse. (adultery, Incest, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc.). This same word is used in Matthew 19:9 as the only reason for getting a divorce. In context, in the Mark verse,  Christ is calling any type of sexual relation that is not between that of a man and a woman in marriage, evil, meaning it is a sin. That is just one of the many things he talks about in that verse. 

Of course in our culture & language we see fornication as meaning just "sex" or sex outside of marriage, but because the English language is not as specific as the Greek, this was the closest English word used in the English translations. 

Do I hate people who do those things? Absolutely not! The Bible calls us to be loving and to treat others the way we wish to be treated and to do all things with love. Christ associated with all sorts of sinners. He was kind and loving to all sinners, but he did not condone their sins. He loved the sinners, but not their sins. THAT is the prime definition of Tolerance. Therefore, I love people who sin, but I do not approve of the sin. I don't approve of the sins I do, that is why it is an every day struggle. We are called, as Christians to "hate evil". Sin is evil. We should be more Christlike. We should love others regardless of their sins, but we should not love their sin. 

Boy Scouts No Longer Required to be "Morally Straight" or "Reverent"

Today, the Boy Scouts of America, an organization that I once briefly belonged to, voted 61-39, to permit/ accept young boys who were homosexual. For over 100 years this organization has not allowed  people who are homosexual. It has been against the rules. As a majority Christian organization their Scout Law reads as follows:

On my honor, I will do my best 

To do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law; 

To help other people at all times; 

To keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.

Their Scout Oath reads as follows:

A Scout is:

Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean, and Reverent.

These are two saying that we had to memorize from day 1 and live out. Now, you might have noticed the phrase "morally straight" in the Scout Law. Now to have any set of objective morals, there has to be an objective moral giver, for most people, this is God. If there is no moral law giver, then anything is permissible and there is no such thing as right and wrong. So, in the Scout Law it is insinuating that someone has objective morals, which, as logic follows, insinuates that the person believes in some God. Well, I have studied the three basic Abrahamic religions who claim to have the same God. In all three of these religions, it is a sin to engage in sexual relations outside of marriage, whether it be heterosexual or homosexual. They also consider any type of homosexual actions to be sins. Sin, in all these religions is immoral and therefore, wrong. 
So, for a scout to be morally straight, they must abide by the good morals set forth by the objective moral law giver that they believe in. 

You might have also noticed the phrase "reverent" in the Scout Oath. This word is defined as:  showing great reverence for god; "a godly man"; "leading a godly life".  based on the three religions listed above, a person openly living in sin is not living a godly life, and is therefore not reverent. 

Now, back to the main point. it was against the rules of Scouting for a scout to be homosexual. Now, here is where it gets tricky. Many view this word as something to describe  person. But that is not what it means. The rules and laws set forth by both God and the Boy Scouts of America do not refer to "feelings" or "attraction". Rules and Laws are made to restrict, promote, or permit actions. You cannot be punished for your "feelings", that is ridiculous! But you can be punished for your actions, and that is one of the reasons we have laws and rules.

Seeing that laws and rules have nothing to do with feelings or attraction, this rule that was in place for over 100 years that would not allow homosexual youth to be scouts had to have been based on actions, not feelings. Seeing that that ban has now been lifted, logic follows that they now accept and/or promote youth that are sexually active with the same sex to be scouts. Many will disagree with me, but logic is against them. 

Now, I would be equally upset if they openly permitted/promoted youth to be sexually active with the opposite sex. I believe that it is wrong for underage children to be involved in sexual actions of any kind. These are KIDS that we are talking about! They shouldn't be doing these things! Ive been called a bigot recently for believing that it was wrong for underaged kids to have sex. HA

The Girl Scouts of America has a similar story. The have partnered up with Planned Parenthood and allow PP workers to come in and teach young girls about sex, safe sex, and even teach them how to masturbate. They teach this to even girls as young as 8! What this does is make girls think it is okay to have sex at such a young age. So when they do engage in such acts, many times, they become pregnant, and Planned Parenthood is right there to rescue them from this "terrible predicament" by offering them the option of abortion. For a fee of approximately $500, they will forcefully rip apart the child growing inside the girl, and like magic, the girl is no longer pregnant. See how that cycle works? 

To sum this whole post up: 
This issue is not about feelings. Laws and rules have nothing to do with feelings, they deal with actions. Laws are in place to promote, restrict, or permit actions, not feelings.