This school year has been an odd one, to say the least. I just finished my freshman year as a Communication Broadcasting Major at Mississippi State University. The work load was easier than all 4 years of high school, so in essence, it was fairly easy! I defeated my long time foe, Algebra! After fighting against it for almost 8 years, i finally defeated the satanic language and I do not have to deal with it ever again! YES! *does the I passed algebra dance*
As many of you know, my dream has always been to go into the film industry. Ive always wanted to be a film director like George Lucas or Steven Spielberg. I am obsessed with movies and want to use that obsession to fuel my job. Well, about the time i started college, my then-girlfriend told me how she had her mind set on going to college and going into a field she had always dreamed of doing, but she realized that that was what SHE wanted, but she wasn't sure if it was what GOD wanted. So, after much thought and prayer, she realized that God was leading her in a different direction, and to this day, he has continued to bless her in that area. This got me thinking, I wanted to do film and be a film director, but was that what GOD wanted me to do? I prayed about it and turned my future over to the Lord, I know that he will provide for me and will lead me in the direction that he wants me to be in. I know I'm gifted in the Communications area, but I'm not sure about the specifics. I know that he will make his will for my life known to me when it is time.
Along with all that, in January, I started applying for jobs around campus. I took my resume into the Mississippi State University Television Center and filled out an application. after a week, my mother convinced me to go back there and follow up on the application. So I did. Much to my surprise, they had been very impressed with my resume, and hired me that day! I started working there the next week! I was overly thrilled! The Lord had blessed me with a job that, not only fit my skill set, but was also one I enjoyed doing. Every week I film a nationally broadcasted Agricultural News program called Farmweek. I also get to film various events and speakers around campus along with ballgames. Since I started in January, the only sports games I've been able to film have been MSU Baseball, which is somewhat boring, but i get free food and drinks in the press box and I get to film from the home dugout! This weekend I get to film the MSU graduation ceremony, at which, the United States Secretary of the Navy, Ray Mabus, is speaking at.
This year has been different because I have been with my first girlfriend for a little over a year and a half. She was an amazing, beautiful, talented, caring woman of God. She was without a doubt the most Godly woman I have ever known. While dating her I grew closer to God than I ever have. I adored her and loved her with all my heart. She had a way of seeing who people really are. I know I'm not attractive. Im short and overweight. But she saw through me, she saw that I was a man seeking God's will and that i was a sweet caring person. She claimed that she didn't care what I looked like, she loved me for who I was in my heart, and that i fit all the biblical aspects of a Godly man.........well, her parents didn't think as she did. They kept telling her that they did not like me because i was not good looking and because I was not athletic. Her parents tried so hard to get her to leave me, even going as far as trying to convince her to cheat on me with a guy she hardly knew, just because he was good-looking. Only a few days after that, she stopped speaking to me, and a few days later, she broke up with me. Over the period of a week she gave me three completely different and conflicting reasons as to why she left me. To this day i still do not know what happened, or what made her so suddenly stop loving me. This being my first breakup, you can imagine that I was quite hurt. I have been through a lot of pain in my life mentally,emotionally, and physically. But all the pain i have endured throughout my life cannot even come close to comparing to the pain this breakup had caused. I literally felt like my heart (Or rather, my entire inside organs) was being ripped apart. I prayed and cried myself to sleep for weeks. It hurt even more not knowing what happened or what i had done, I still loved her, and she claimed she still loved me.....I was in agony. The only way out of the pain that i could see was to take my life. I know this sounds stupid and coward-like (I once thought that as well) but the pain was so much, I just wanted to be at rest and be painless. BUT I remembered that I had a loving God, and that he promised that he would never give me anything I couldn't handle. (Throughout the year and a half that I was dating her, I prayed every day that if it was God's will for us to get married, then let it be, but if it wasn't, that when we did break up that he would grant me peace and comfort me to move on) I once again went to the Lord in deep prayer. I told him that I realize that he has a plan and a reason for everything, and that everything he does for me is to make me stronger. I told him that, despite what I desired for my future, I was going to let him take the wheel of my life and lead me towards HIS will for my life. I once again asked him for peace and to help me continue living life. After about a month after the breakup, i realized that I was no longer sad and depressed! Although i still missed her terribly and wanted her back, I realized that I was at peace with the situation. The Lord had answered my prayers! Although the answer was not what I desired, he gave me peace and encouraged me and comforted me to keep on.
Not knowing what my future holds, I continue living my life for him and following him. I have been involved in a campus ministry where we get to go out and share the gospel with random people on campus. Despite what most people think, there are a LOT of people who do not understand the gospel/how to get to heaven and have a great misconception about the Bible and Christianity. Ive been blessed with the opportunity to share the gospel with several people and sometimes the circumstances surrounding those sharings, have been obviously God directed. I see no other way other than God's hand that could've led those people to me or brought me to them. It is simply amazing! I realized that my life is not about living the way I want to live it, it is about living it to serve God and to bring others to the Lord.
Ive had many ups and downs throughout the year, and the Lord has been there with me every step of the way. And I have learned to praise him and trust him in the good times and the bad times.
I want to leave you with the lyrics to a song that I heard on the radio the day before my breakup, which has helped me and comforted me throughout the entire situation. The song is By Steven Curtis Chapman, entitled: "Long Way Home".
I set out on a great adventure
The day my Father started leading me home
He said there's gonna be some mountains to climb
And some valleys we're gonna go through
But I had no way of knowing
Just how hard this journey could be
Cause the valleys are deeper
And the mountains are steeper than I ever would have dreamed
But I know that we're gonna make it
And I know that we're gonna get there soon
And I know that sometimes it feels like we're going the wrong way
But its just the long way home
I got some rocks in my shoes
Fears I wish I could lose
That make the mountains so hard to climb
And my heart gets so heavy with the weight of the world sometimes
There's a bag of regrets,
My should've beens, and not yets
I keep on dragging around
And I can hardly wait for the day I get to lay them all down
I know that day is coming
I know its gonna be here soon
And I won't turn back even if the whole world says I'm going the wrong way
Cause its just the long way home
When we can't take another step
The Father will pick us up and carry us in His arms
And even on the best days, He says to remember we're not home yet
So don't get too comfortable
Cause really all we are is just pilgrims passing through
Well, I know that we're gonna make it
And I know that we're gonna get there soon
So I keep on singing and believing
What all of my songs say
Cause our God has made a promise
And I know that everything He says is true
And I know wherever we go
He will never leave us
Cause He's gonna lead us home