Friday, January 1, 2016

A Bad New Year's Eve Turned Around By The Lord

So, my New Year's Eve had me kind of down.

This past month I had done two rounds of interviews about a marketing job with an amazing local non-profit Christian ministry. The people told me they were very impressed with me and were planning to make a decision soon. For 2 weeks I checked my email several times an hour. Waiting and praying. Then on New Year's Eve I got a letter from them telling me that I didn't get the job I was hoping for. I was disappointed and let down. But I reminded myself that it was an answered prayer. Before I did each interview I prayed "Lord, if this is where you want me to be, open the door. But, if this isn't where you want me to be, slam the door in my face. I don't want to be anywhere unless it's where you want me to be."
This was an answered prayer, not the answer I was hoping for, but an answer nonetheless.

Later in the evening I was at a New Year's Eve party at my buddy Michael's house. I got my phone out and opened the Facebook app to show him something and the first thing I see is that a girl I went out with both semesters of my senior year of college was engaged. 

I hadn't thought about her in a while and I knew God didn't intended for us to work out, but it still upset me. After 2 semesters of going out, I approached her and wanted to make it official(meaning that we would call each other boyfriend and girlfriend). She said that she had been prayin about this and she felt like she didn't need to date or have anything official because she was still hurt from a previous relationship and needed time to focus on her relationship with God. She said that she didn't want to say that we would never work out, but that the timing just wasn't right. I too had been praying about it and I was at peace with this, and I respected her response. How can I not respect someone wanting to work on their relationship with the Lord?
The Lord gave me peace over the whole thing and I was able to move on without any problems. Well, 2 months after the conversation I had with her, I found out that she was dating a guy. It was on Facebook, therefore, it was official. Even though I was over her and was at peace with how it ended, when I saw this, I couldn't help but feel hurt and lied to. She had just cooked up that excuse so she didn't have to tell me that she just wasn't interested in me, despite the fact that we went on over a dozen dates where I paid for everything and occasionally bought her gifts out of the blue. (Gifts are my love language). She used that "God card" to avoid telling me the truth. I was ticked off that she did that. But I had already moved on and said "good riddance". 
But yesterday I found out that she is engaged to the guy. That just brought back some bad feelings.

Yeah, I know, this sounds like a sad list of complaints, but hang in there! It gets better!

That night the devil was putting thoughts into my head like: "you graduated 8 months ago & you still haven't found a job. A lot of the other people you graduated with have jobs, you'll never find one." And thought like: "you've been 4 years without an official girlfriend and out of the two girls you've dated, one is married and the other is engaged now. Face it, nobody likes you. Nobody ever has. Girls have given you nothing but lies and pain. Most of your friends are either in serious relationships, engaged, or married, but you're still single. Time is running out for you!" 

Needless to say, I was feeling pretty lousy. I left the party early so I could be with my family to bring in the New Year.  As I was driving home I started praying to the Lord asking for guidance and peace and for me to remain hopeful and confident in His plans for a job and a wife. I prayed for Him to help restore joy to my life, and for me to delight in Him rather than other people. 

After I finished praying I turned up the volume on my radio and heard these lyrics:

"So when youre on your knees and answers seem so far away

Youre not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your worlds not falling apart, its falling into place
Im on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
Youll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
Youll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, youll understand
Im painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands."

When I heard these beautiful lyrics by the band "Casting Crowns" I just smiled and said "really God?!" And I started laughing. He heard me, and that was His response to me. 

God is good. He is with you even when you feel alone. He wants us to always be seeking Him. He wants a close father/child relationship with us. It doesn't matter how far we've run away or what we've done, His loving and welcoming arms are always wide open to us....waiting. 

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